whyyyyyyyy

Why the fuck do I work with complete fucking idiots? A girl was hired 5/27/11 and only one sheet of paper came across my desk. Her training sheet. Where's the new hire packet so I can key her into access, nimrod? So we break into the scanners office (shes at the dr), guess @ passwords til we access the system and see if the new hire packet was scanned then shredded. NOPE! No information on this girl anywhere - none! So I call the office that should have sent it to me, she doesnt have it, obviously; "I sent it to you"...riiiiiiiiiiight yet it magically disappeared. a stack of 60+ papers. got lost. anyways! So she says she can send me what she kept in her paper file. Really?! Which is literally everything except signature sheets. She was hoarding 37 goddamn pages of this girls file and we had no clue she even existed. I want to cut people sometimes just because they are so damn stupid. Am I evil? Probably. Gingers have no soul, remember?

oh em gee

i hate drama. i also hate when bitches wanna rush up in my office and slam down their items they are returning and announce they are quitting today because people in the office are accusing her of not working her hours (according to her clients?? Fucking really, you idiot? Yeah and she can't tell me WHO said it just "someone in the office" WTF you dumb cunt its Monday and i really don't wanna hear your shit; take it up with Lori, she's your scheduler not me! *massive eye roll*

Disconsolate

I used to sing
I used to be
Disconsolate, alone, yet free
Now that my soul has been encased
Whatever will become of me...?

Crystal Mercado

This is going to be your gift...and I am bad bad BAD at surprises...plus I was too excited about it to contain myself!!

hello thar!

my dream was some weird WEIRD shit. Me & two friends (who are faceless) were flying some odd contraption that was built by us or someone we knew. We flew across the United States and landed in their parents home somehow. I don't know before and after happenings unfortunately! The minute the memory of that peeked around the corner at me I was logging in to post it :D

love is a poor man's food...

When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears
It was easy to see that you'd been crying
Seems like everywhere you turn catastrophe it reigns
But who really profits from the dying
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you in my arms forever

When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions
It's my worried mind that you quiet
Place your hands on my face
Close my eyes and say
Love is a poor man's food
Don't prophesize

I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever

So now we see how it is
This fist begets the spear
Weapons of war
Symptoms of madness
Don't let your eyes refuse to see
Don't let your ears refuse to hear
Or you ain't never going to shake this sense of sadness
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold on forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold forever

Thanks Andrew David Barrett

RIP O2

Otis Jr. passed away roughly an hour ago. RIP pretty girl!

w00t

So my Aunt Tammy has been designing personalized double walled cups that do not sweat *using her cricut machine and vinyl*...I've been posting on facebook to advertise for her (Personalized Cup Photo Album) racking up the orders and such. So I had a girl I know from Sikeston tell me kinda roughly what she wanted and gave me the go ahead to "make it cute"...so this is the end result....

yay? >(

I hate when people fuck up my routine. The OFM from TN office decided to break the rules and in turn I get to modify one of our policies! YAY... >(

do you have any dreams you'd like to sell?

Okay so I am the worst about recalling my dreams...to the point that I am convinced I don't dream at all but we all know that's not true! Well the past few nights I've been recalling that I've dreamt but I just cannot grasp the content in the dream :(
Last night I *know* that I had 3 separate dreams because when I woke around 6am to tinkle I was almost reading aloud my dream to memorize it so that I could relay it later. No such luck here it is 20 til 9am and it's vanished. I do recall that I started to dream more after I went back to sleep and before it was time to get up for work.


I know one thing, Caruthersville is about to get stomped by thunderstorms!! Wish me luck :-)
I've already called Emilio and told him to relocate the kittens and if he hears sirens to take them to the hallway and stay there. Plus to text me if he loses power. The office's power went off for about 30 seconds already.

weekends! ahhh

I hate monday...with a passion *spits* but it *IS* almost 5:00...so I will relax a little bit. My weekend was meh yet busy! Friday night I don't recall what happened whatsoever except sleep! Saturday I woke up full of energy. Flea powdered the entire house (again) and locked Tiger up in the office. Saturday night was kinda uneventful. Shower, movie, sleep...Sunday I swept, vacuumed and mopped all the flea powder up throughout the house then cleaned out my car AND vacuumed it. Headed to Moms (45 miles away) to grill with Emilio and just unwind with family. Had burgers, chicken & Italian sausage (which of the three did *I* consume??), with baked beans & potato salad (compliments of yours truly...E cooked the meat). It was delish! Came home, messed with Tiger a little bit, got ready for bed then decided to give Tiger ONE more look over. Sure glad I did. Between the hours of midnight and 2am she had her first set of kittens. 2 of em! A black tabby-ish marked one with a masked face and an orange tabby with a white dot dead center of her back. They're soooo adorable (see previous post!) so now it's Monday (as prev. stated) and I am so damn sleepy!!! Work itself today was pretty blah. I put off a lot of crap. I've been "working" on the monthly newsletter all day ;-)

holla!

Tiger & the two kitties!! < 3

Contractions have started...

Here's Cookie....and Oj (Otis Jr.)...

and mama cat finally settles in for the night letting the two kittens nurse! <3

grrr

Ok so here at the office, when you are "on-call" you pick up & deliver mail to the post office daily (twice). On friday you go in the morning if its your last day and whoever takes over goes in the afternoon. Today was my last day and Bertha went on-call and therefore would have taken the mail this afternoon before 4:30. She decided to leave early (around 3-ish) and told Tammy I could take the mail since she took it yesterday afternoon for me. Did she bother to inform me? Fuck no! So now it's 4:50 and todays mail won't go out on time. Real nice, moron!!!!!

ung! (is that a sound?)

TGIMFF!!!!!!


I wanna go home, strip to absolutely nothing, crawl between the cool sheets and pass the fuck out. I am so damn sleepy!!!! No clue why but yeah. On another note, I'm stoked yet nervous about Tiger having kittens...soon!! any day now practically!

a lifetime burning with you...

There's something wrong in her world today
She screams it loud but just won't say it
It never was her strongest point to hurry up or wait.
Now it's all been said and done
A preachers daughter a devils son
Her favorite color a day alone
No smile on her face

and you were wrong...
and you were wrong


I don't believe I failed you
Are your lies still coming true?
Do you still think that better days are gone?
After all the things we've been through
Years so hard to lose
Give me a life of half love, half hope, half truth
Or a lifetime burning with you

All the things he said he'd got
Seemed so big but don't mean much
He spends his days just praying to God
Or feeling in his way.
But no one saw the broken heart
Or even knew the day it started
No one thought he was good enough
Except for you...

I don't believe I failed you
Are your lies still coming true?
Do you still think that better days are gone?
After all the things we've been through
Years so hard to lose
Give me a life of half love, half hope, half truth
Or a lifetime burning with you

Your gonna miss those things you're giving away
You need to hold out - you're gonna break down.
You need to find your way back to the start
Who cares what they say its still your heart.
...Your heart.

There's something wrong in her world today
The one she loved she threw away
Still see it on her face when she's got a smile to fake

All those things he said he'd got
He cashed them in it just wasn't enough
To buy back or start to replace the one he loved

And you were wrong...
I was wrong

'Cause I don't believe I failed you
Are your lies still coming true?
Do you still think that better days are gone?
After all the things we've been through
Years so hard to lose
Give me a life of half love, half hope, half truth
Cause I'll take a life of half love, half hope, half truth
Or a lifetime burning

fucking really????

I cannot stand to have my Office MGR question me about something that ive already answered to the appropriate person.
Example:

Tammy: We need a worker in Morehouse.
Me: Another one?
Tammy: [Aides name excluded] is covering [Clients name excluded]...
Me: This is her last week the new girl is training tomorrow
Tammy: Bertha just acted clueless
Me: Well she knows because I told her earlier...

Tammy goes down the hall to question Bertha...I can hear Bertha's voice raised so I follow to give her a friendly reminder of the conversation earlier...

to which *I* then get yelled at and told to leave her office because I asked could she shut up and actually LISTEN before calling me a liar! She is telling me that Stephanie (from Sikeston office) called and asked did she have more hours to go with the current hours being offered with the Morehouse position. I then tried to explained to Bertha that that was BEFORE I informed her of the worker who would be training Wed, Thurs & Friday and was called a liar (again!) and told to leave her office! :o oh HELL no she didn't. I apparently pissed her off so bad she left work 20 minutes early. Oh fuckin' well!!!!!!!  And yes, I am fired up!

ugh

My last dentist appointment for 6 months this morning! woo-woo! So, the 64-billion dollar question is this, if I am such a smart assed sarcastic bish, who actually LOOKS for the same wit in a guy, why does it piss me off when Emilio is like that?! It literally drives me up a frikkin wall with rage sometimes (not always!). Yet here I am at work for 2 hours and I'm already clock watching, ready to go home and see his face. I cant even pinpoint what happened, how we both changed and grew up in the few months we were broken up, but we did. Does he still piss me off? Sure, otherwise what kinda fun would that be? He actually laughs at me when I'm angry, which makes me more so but whatever lol. I just love him. It's always been him and I'm starting to trust that he was right 2 1/2 years ago...it's always gonna be him :-)

I'm too impatient for this junk

So I claimed to have finally started the cycle, wrong! Seems my body wants to play the tease game! 3 whole days of nothing but faintness so tomorrow I will technically be a week late since I've not actually FULLY started my period. I do not like this one little bit. No cramping either. Meh. FML.

JFC

Summary - Fleas are taking over my life!! I've done flea collars, frontline drops, pesticide outside & flea powder inside as well. Flea combing her several times a day too! This morning getting ready for work I picked SEVENTEEN fleas off of my ankles! Co-worker said it sounds like sand fleas because normally fleas are not that agressive. Especially considering before my vacation I had none and now my house seems to be infested *sobbing* And to make it worse today is going to be my first full on period [.] day, hooray! Tomorrow night is Relay for Life downtown can't wait to go! Saturday I plan on relaxing by the pool most of the afternoon out on Hwy D with prayers I don't go crispy like I did in Florida!

this is it!

Not sure why I chose a Monday, the week of my period, to not only quit smoking cold turkey but to start a new diet as well! the diet is okay, no cigarette is not :( Good thing about it is that I got a water bottle and I plan on chugging the hell out of it day & night. Not only will it keep me full [ish] but it will rid my body of those nasty toxins right? LOL! So far today I've had 2 cups of coffee w/ creamer, a toasted bagel w/ spray butter [0 cal] and sugar free strawberry jam followed by crystal light in my water bottle! A grand total of 210 calories and I am allowed 1,165 daily in order to be at 145lbs by October 7, 2011 [according to Lose It app on my iPhone]. Wish me luck! I am about to bury myself in work & water as a huge distraction of the gnawing ache to smoke!

see my cape??

Why do the people of this office think I am superwoman? I did nothing BUT fucking Humana enrollments, changes & cancellations yesterday and I am not even finished, plus I have 2 new hires in here doing training AND paperwork, it's the end of a pay period which means I have 3 offices worth of new hire payroll information to get to the payroll dept. and everything else that is a daily duty piled on top. There's a specific office worker who loves to pile it on and if she doesn't get off my ass back I am going to pop a cap in hers!

so meh!

I'm feeling completely MEH today. Thursday isn't coming nearly fast enough! I am doing Humana new hire enrollments as well as open enrollments for old hires AND cancellations. Seems like it will take up my entire frikkin day and I am hungry plus hungover (not sure how that happened!!) but whatevs. I will end up working late today just to be 100% caught up before my FLO-RI-DA vacay that I am soooo freaking ready for. Been planning out what ima be doing what days. I'll leave Thursday (hopefully at lunch time), stop and sleep at the ex husbands house w/ the kiddos and then drive the remaining 6 hours Friday morning. Friday I am gonna go eat at "Brian's Place" b/c I printed out a sweet coupon for it then E and I are going to relax on the beach and watch the sunset! Saturday evening we will go eat at Felony's Bar & Grill then enjoy the "sink or swim" $10 all you can drink well drinks! Sunday was gonna be the weekiwachee water park "Buccaneer Bay" but we're not sure on that...maybe a movie instead! Monday, Tues & Wednesday have not been planned yet! Maybe some shopping and beach strolling, who knows. Shain texted me last night asking if I was able to close at McDonalds and of course I am! I am excited about the 2nd job for the summer while the boys are gone. Extra income to catch all my bills up plus a time occupier! Ok my brain is too mushy for this now I think!

this takes some gettin' used to

So, I havent "blogged" since my livejournal days, yeeeeeeaaaaaaars ago. I generally don't express myself well face to face with people because I'm too shy and afraid to hurt the ones I love with the truth (or my opinion). Text has always been my outlet so why not, right? Most people who've met me from the internet are blown away by how completely shy I am in person vs. online; which is probably why I have but a few friends although in my post-teen years I was quite the social butterfly. I suppose I will use this blog to vent my current emotions but I am going to use the first post to give anyone who is interested a peek into this boring yet crazy life of mine!

About Me <--(yes I will summarize) ...Born in Osceola, Arkansas September 1, 1979. I had one red curl that stood up when I was born and my mother cried for 2 weeks because she wanted a black haired boy (both parents are black headed; grey now). I suffer from an extreme case of Middle Child Syndrome. I have an older sister, Starla and a younger brother, Shain - as well as a half-sister who is younger than my oldest son, Cassy - My Father decided waiting until Shain was 21 and he himself was past 50 that having another child was a good idea? Moving along, I resided in Arkansas til I was around 2 I suppose...about the same time that I learned that if my Mom did not give me my way I could hold my breath and pass out to get attention (horrible I know!). We then moved back to Caruthersville, Missouri (Where I lived my entire life thereafter) where Mom & Dad lived when they met each other as teenagers. I had both sets of grandparents although my grandpa on my dads side was a lousy excuse for one, I sure loved my granny and she loved all of us grandkids!

She died a couple of years after this picture, long before I was old enough to really get to know the beautiful lady that I called granny, Nadine Schoolcraft (RIP!). Then there were 3. Moving on...Growing up we did not have a lot of friends, just few in the neighborhood who moved in and out (Cville isnt known for families staying long with no roots there) of our lives and of course the kids we went to church with. Did I mention my mothers parents (Maw & Paw) were the Pastor & Pastors' wife at the only Pentecostal church in town? If not, it will explain a lof of my life choices ;-) I spent 10 years at 919 Beckwith and they were most likely the best 10 years of my first 20 in life despite that after 8 years there my parents divorced. I have no doubt in my mind that I took it harder than my sister and brother. Starla was vocal, Shain lashed out (as a boy would) but I withdrew inside myself. I did not talk about it to friends (at 12 I had a couple close ones) or family. I stayed in my bedroom and read books or listened to my radio all day and night. I organized my book shelf by Alphabet, Date copyrighted, whatever seemed to fit my mood it didnt matter i'd spend hours doing it. No "normal" pre-teen back then stayed home and inside all summer long. They went out and played spotlight at dusk and rode bikes all over town. I kinda knew then I wasn't the fitting in type. Food and sleep, who needed it when you had music and literature? Anyways, 10 years there. Would have been at least 18 easily had it not burned to the ground the summer I turned 14 and we were at my dads in TN and Mom was at her boyfriends house an hour away from ours. Electrical wiring problems in moms room which was center of the house. We lost everything we had except the clothes we took to dads for the weekend. Nothing like hearing your dads landline (didnt have cells then just the cigg lighter cellulars then) ring at 3am (of course I was awake, I was reading!) and it being an operator with your Aunt Kim on the other end trying to find out if this is Ronnie Schoolcraft's residence because our house is on fire. Dad packed us up in the car and drove the 2 hours back to MO instantly. By the time we got there it was foundation and smoke lingering. [wonder how many people are still reading this!] Rumor has it that it may not have been so bad had they not kicked the door in (oxygen making it worse or w/e) because the first fireman on the scene was a family friend and Starla's mustang was in the driveway so they thought we were in the house and wanted to get to us. Plus the hydrants down the road were not giving good water pressure or something along those lines. Anyways, after that we re-located to Sikeston (where moms bf lived). I hated it there. I had no friends they were all back in Cville! I would write letters, take trips back with my Sister who was 16 already and all i had was a permit. After months of depression I convinced my Mom to let me move in with Maw & Paw, she agreed. I stayed with them for a while then with my Dad who had finally moved back to MO once he re-married. Mom finally moved closer to Cville (20 mins away) and I moved back "home". Somewhere in all of this the private school I attended for 5 years closed down and I spent 2 months of my SR year in public school. It was foreign to me so i quit and went to work full time at Hardees' at the age of 17. There I met my "first love" Chris around the end of 1996. I was 17, he was 24. Long story short, I was no longer a virgin and had one of my hardest life lessons then. In a few short months I got pregnant, dumped and lost a baby and saw him across the street from my grandmother with his new girlfriend. 1997 will never be a favorite year of mine and you won't hear me discuss it often at all. Two years later I walked into Dyersburg (TN) State University, paid the $ to take my GED test and passed. January of 1999 I moved to Kansas and enrolled in College. My life was getting back on track finally! I had a few friends there, plus friends of friends that kept me busy and laughing, plus a boyfriend and another guy I was interested in as well (slutty I know!). March 2nd I spent the night at my friend Jasey's house about 20 miles away from campus. Jasey and I were up til around 4am then I drove back to my dorm room. Around 7am my phone was ringing and it was my cousin, Jeremy saying I needed to call Mawmaw. "Duane fell into the river. They can't find his body" <-words you can't ever unhear. Duane was my 20 year old brother-in-law - Starla's husband and 11 month old Alexis' dad. I arrange for my boyfriend to take me to Wichita (2 hours away) b/c it was closest airport. Flight leaves at 6am the next day - March 4th. I am up all day upset, bawling, packing. I stay the night with Shaun at his grandmothers since she lived in Wichita. I stayed up all night because I knew if I slept I'd miss my flight. By the time I land in Memphis around 10am March 4th I'd been up 2 plus days on 3 hours sleep. Needless to say, I stayed home almost a month. they finally found his body on March 11th after 9 days of dragging the river - where he fell in! Seeing your older sister cry and talk about how she comes home from work and hollars for him to tell him how her day at work was, but he's not there, that's heartbreaking. I cant imagine even in the slightest how hard that has to be. To kiss the man you love goodbye before work and in a matter of hours have your entire world crash down on you. I woulda needed the sedatives & therapy too! I went back to KS shortly after he was laid to rest even though I didn't want to. I was needed at home! After that, school wasnt so appealing. I quit and moved to Wichita to live with friends and started dating the guy I had a crush on (previously stated). Troy and I were together for roughly 2 years and eventually lived together. Eventually though, it was over. He moved out and I moved back to Caruthersville. December 8 of 2001 I met my [ex] husband to be - Michael Livingston. Feb 8, 2002 EPT confirmed what my body was already telling me. I was 6wks pregnant with Lansten Michael Livingston - born 9-30-02 (I have 1st day of Sept bday, he has last!) Somewhere in those 9 months I learned that you can talk shit to friends all you want because until you are IN the abusive relationship you dont really know wtf you are talking about. Being red-headed I'm short tempered and stubborn (some would say strong as an ox) and no one in my family would EVER have guessed I was being pushed and hit like a punching bag behind closed doors - and taking it! I would leave and go right back like an idiot. I even married him when I was 7 months pregnant. He was changed and so sorry! Til a month later. Who does that to a woman pregnant with their child? Or tells someone they're lucky its a boy because if it were a girl he'd kill you both? I tolerated it for about another year then I finally left and stayed gone. Got a restraining order and moved from Sikeston to Caruthersville to get away from him. Lansten got sick, Mike came down and stayed the night. Around late August I started not being able to keep anything I ate down...9 months later I had Brayden Alexander Livingston. Needless to say, Mike wasn't around for this one. My brother ran him out of town after he got abusive with me during 1st trimester, when miscarriage is easiest to happen. He was however there for the birth and wanted to stay, give it another chance. That lasted 3 months. He'd never been physical infront of lansten until then. Being pinned down and told that your 2 year old is about to watch you die while your newborn is asleep beside you is a deal breaker. The next day my brother and two cousins took matters into their own hands and beat the crap out of him and sent him on his way. A couple of broken ribs with the threat that if he even LOOKS @ Caruthersville city limits again it will be worse is enough to keep him away. As soon as I could afford it, I filed for divorce. I spent the next few years being a single mother & doing the best I could by my boys. I wasn't perfect, who is? Fast Forward - Lansten is now 8 1/2 and Brayden just turned 6 two months ago. I have went back to school (years ago) and earned 2 degrees. I now hold an Associates in Business Administration and a Bachelors in Information Technology (computer systems) and am the Human Resource Director for White & Associates Home Assistance, Inc. I am over two HR ladies in 2 other offices, plus mine. When it comes to HR what I say goes and they have to answer to me. It's kind of nice if I must say so myself. To sum it up [my life] I've been a sister, daughter, girlfriend, best friend, bad friend, wife, ex-wife, awful girlfriend, and a mother. Of all of these, I wouldn't change it. Isn't that what life is all about? Being the best and worst you can be. Living and learning?